(sighs)
Why do you always find out the one who you want to rely on is not available.
How can someone who's supposed to know me the best COMPLETELY ignore the point I'm trying to get through?

Okay, let's start at the beginning.
This spring holz, I was invited over to 's house in her home country Switzerland for two weeks.
It was beyond amazing, and imouto, thank you. I love you lots
But it meant I couldn't go home to Hungary, and however amazing the experience, home's home.
And at the end, we found out my Grandma's sick and needs a series of tests to test the severity of the case.
I have no idea what it's called in english (groans) Not kidney stones...but stones.
So my Mom and little brother stayed in Hungary. And I came back to Bahrain with my Dad.
And fuck, it was so damn good the first two weeks. Alone.
Even thought it meant having to do all sorts of shit by myself that usually my Mom does, but hey, it was fun, and still is. I never knew I could cook something edible until now...XD
But fuck, timing couldn't be better >< I just had my art exams, very first GCSE, very fisrt big exam. They are now thankfully over and done with, and even though I could have done more pieces, I'm pleased with my largescale. ^^
That was last week.
But this week has been fucking hell. I got screamed at several times, I've forgotten my books and papers at home, people have been knocking my stuff down and scattering my notes all over the place (not on purpose...but still) and to top it off, my Dad got sick.
And I really, really Goddamn miss my family. I'm also homesick and currently sick of this dry, sandy hellhole of a place.
And the AC is broken, so my room's like an oven right now.

Maybe I'm hormonal and getting my period.
Maybe I'm overreacting.
But fuck, when we called my Mom, I was really happy and talked to her a lot, wanting to let her know how much i damned missed her.
And what the fuck is she most concerned about?
Whether I am getting enough sleep.
><
And when I told her I usually go to bed later then 11 (curfew), she goes silent and mournful, telling only how it just makes her really sad how I don't listen/trust/accept her advice (long story).
FuckingGoddamit.
Yes, I know I have absolutely no self-control and I am staying up late when i should be getting more rest for the exams.
Yes, I know I said I would.
But seriously, is this all she can say? THAT all she worried about?
(grits teeth)
I want to cry. So badly. But i can't.
It won't come out.

I have so many projects due. i have so many teachers biting at my throat, expecting me to perform.
I just want to curl up into a corner and preferably pass out for a century or so.
And yes. Newsflash. Just because I am an able student who usually performs to her best doesn't mean I can't have glitch periods where everything gets fucked up.
YES. I'm sorry it's near such a critical period of time with my exams next month. Yeah, the one that determines my future and sums up two year's of work.
YES.
I GET IT.
NOW KINDLY FUCK OFF.


I'm really sorry for ranting. You don't need to comment. I just needed to write out of myself.

Strongest of us, eh, Nads? (scoffs) This is why I don't want you guys reffering to me with any high honourific.
You wanna respect this pathetic looser? Who can't even get a grip and is reduced to this?!
(shakes head) Please. No.
There are other people who deserve that.